I would like to think that this bottle of Dasani water I am drinking has an adventurous and mind-tingling story behind it.
I would like to think that a weathered Icelandic man named Eggbert Bjornson made an epic journey to the celestial Jahooziwhatsits Glacier to fetch this 20 oz. of water.
I would like to think that this Eggbert fellow makes this journey once every year. I would like to think that he is a longtime employee of Dasani inc. and that before he embarks on his annual journey, he ties thirty dozen empty water bottles around his ankles and hikes bravely up a treacherous trail of some sort, endangering his life in the process. Once he reaches the glacier, he carefully fills each bottle one at a time and seals them by uttering a magical Icelandic incantation.
I would like to think that once each bottle is filled and sealed, Eggbert descends back down the trail and reports to the nearest Dasani shipping facility, from which the bottles of water are sent to various retail outlets across the globe.
I would also like to think that while fetching water for this particular 20 oz. bottle (the one I currently hold in my hand), Eggbert lost two of his fingers to frostbite. I would like to think this because this would show just how determined Eggbert is to providing paying customers like myself with the freshest water. I would like to think that sometimes Icelandic man-felangies need to be sacrificed so that thirsty Walter can quench his thirst with glacial goodness.
Thinking this has made this bottle of Dasani water the best bottle of water I have ever drunken.
Thank you, Eggbert.
